Terms of Service...

Overview. You ("Reader") understand and agree that Sections 1 through 12 of this Knowledge Sharing Service Agreement ("Agreement") apply to Truckman's ("Us") interpretations of all articles ("Article(s)") read by Reader, which may include, but not be limited to, wire service, newspaper, television coverage, library books, overheard rumors or just something we made up.

1. Agreement. Reader agrees to be bound to this Agreement by accepting the warped sense of humor, irreverent disregard for easily hurt feelings and feigned ignorance of world views displayed by the reporter.

2. Residential Use. The Services provided are solely for Reader's personal, residential use whether Reader lives in a house, girlfriend's apartment, cardboard box or sleeps on a couch in his/her office, and Reader shall not use Services for any commercial purpose. Truckman shall have the megalomaniacal right to determine, in his sole discretion, what constitutes a "commercial" purpose.

3. Access to Reader's Premises. Reader grants Truckman and his employees, representatives and/or agents the right to enter Reader's premises and access your pantry, refrigerator, video collection and high-performance cars and trucks.

4. Payment. Unless you're unspeakably rich or one of my jezebel ex-wives, you owe me nothing, and you're certainly not getting a nickel out of me.

5. Early Termination Fees. If a Reader cancels, terminates or discontinues the Service before finishing an article, the Reader owes it to himself to come back after eating his Taco Bell lunch.

6. Security Deposits. If a Reader is dumb enough to leave money with Truckman, he can kiss it goodbye, and savor its sweet memory.

7. Equipment And Software. Any Reader who, while consuming coffee or chili or any other refreshment at the time of reading Thoughts & Ideas From Truckman, and who uncontrollably spews said refreshment on keyboard or monitor can damn well clean it up him/herself.

8. Reader Liability for Misuse. Reader assumes all responsibility for either not having a good sense of humor, or enough time to waste in reading about things that interest Truckman, or both. Reader further assumes responsibility for determining what is funny, and what is serious, and damn well better understand the difference.

9. Privacy Policy. Nothing in the Reader's life is personal nor private, and by reading Thoughts & Ideas From Truckman, you grant us the right to report any event in your life in any distorted, twisted way we like, whether it actually happened or not.

10. Termination. Truckman may terminate this Agreement immediately at any time, without prior notice, if Reader fails to display a sense of humor, a desire to share knowledge or good sportsmanship.

11. No Warranty; Limitation of Liability. READER AGREES THAT THE SERVICES ARE PROVIDED BY TRUCKMAN ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU'RE SCREWED.

12. Entire Agreement. This Agreement constitutes the entire agreement between the parties and supersedes and nullifies all prior understandings, promises or undertakings with respect to the Services regardless of whether I remember them or not.