My mother never in her life took her first drink...She had no desire for it at any time...Yet she watched her father and her brothers drink to varying degrees of intemperance, and sadly buried her younger brother at an early age because he allowed his uncontrolled thirst for alcohol to become the centerpoint of his existence...I have written of him in my published books, and regret to this day that I not only failed to take note of his example, but that alcoholism robbed him of his life, and took from the nation he helped defend any further contribution he could have made to national success...The man my Mom chose to marry and with whom she would share the remainder of life, was also a drinker...I do not know the increments by which he allowed alcohol to increasingly strengthen its grip on his life, but I do know that it lasted more than 40 years, and in that time wrecked his liver...In the course of time he came to realize the enormous price he had paid to do what he thought was required of all men in his position, to flow with the crowd on a river of drink in order to be successful in his chosen field, and to provide the best living possible for his family...
At the age of 60, the consensus of several doctors confirmed that his thinking that his body could overcome what he had always heard that alcohol could do, was wrong...His liver had become irreparably damaged, and was causing other parts of his body to weaken and fail...Ulcers developed in his esophagus causing blood to drain into his stomach, congealing there to cause painful blockages in his digestive tract...This necessitated several trips to the ER, followed by time consuming hospital stays before his condition could be temporarily stabilized...Due to the fortuitous existence of excellent medical insurance, the science of gastroenterology was advanced by a considerable degree just from what they learned by working on my Dad...Sadly the best they could do was extend his life in some comfort for another 12 years during which Dad never again took another drink in any form...His lesson was finally learned, but in the end his damaged liver took his life in painful misery as his own family watched in helplessness...
His oldest son gained the value of that lesson shortly after my Dad...Prior to his decision to stop his own drinking, I had begun my journey down the path of alcoholism, taking 12 years to reach the bottom...The self-imposed destruction of my first marriage, and the irretrievable decision of my first wife to salvage what was left of the remainder of her life and that of her children finally shocked me into making the determination to quit...Although I may have packed nearly as much alcohol consumption into my shorter drinking career than my Dad did in his 40+ drinking years, I was fortunate enough to avoid his cirrhotic fate as my own liver is healthy even today...However, the ancillary addiction to tobacco combined with the alcohol to leave lasting damage to my heart and circulatory system...Dad reached the same decision as I did to end the cigarette habit at the same time with the alcohol addiction...By the Grace of God, both our lives will be said by future generations to have ended having escaped the grip of both dependencies...
Today my own life has been immeasurably improved and lengthened by freeing myself from the voluntary slavery of alcohol and tobacco 42 years ago...I am positive my Dad thanked God daily for finally opening his eyes, and surely wished it had occurred many years earlier...I curse my own decision to take my first drink at the age of 18...I did it because I was convinced it was my step into adulthood, and acceptance into the adult world...I have no idea whether careful thought and consideration of the consequences, or deliberate study of those around me would have altered that decision, but I do know that until I stepped over that brink, and into the abyss, I did not know that I was predisposed to the addiction it became...I only know of the harm it caused, and the costly struggle it took to break the bonds, as well as the never-ending vigilance to avoid another fall...
On our separate ways, my Dad and I both achieved our goals through self-determination...By that I mean we each took the "cold turkey" method, leaving a lifetime habit behind and never looking back...I thank God every day for our decisions, and His help in staying the course...I also know there are other, and probably better ways to regain one's control over life...The 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped many to quit the path to uselessness...The basic tenets of this method are so successful it has been adapted to fit many other addictions, allowing countless individuals to attain their goals of sobriety and freedom from the merciless grips of the monsters waiting beneath the narrow footpath of life...The almost invisible hands are waiting to help those who need it to regain control of their own existence in any direction they might turn...Exemplary of this, I recall being on a Caribbean cruise after many years of sobriety, where the abundance of alcohol offered its temptation at nearly every turn...And yet for those who needed, signs were posted in many locations, stating simply that "Friends Of Bill Meet Here"...Help is always available for those who are ready...I can only hope that this narrative will not go unnoticed by others who might see their own image in my mirror...Anyone who might benefit by my experience is not only welcome, but urged to contact me...
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Not calling your name but over the last 28 years of my sobriety I've seen a perceived badge of honor among alcoholics. This is an observation on my part that I'm sure is not meant the way I hear it every time. I think it helps some in their own mind to know that they quit of their own volition, they didn't need any stinking help. That phrase is "I quit cold turkey" as in I didn't need any help, how about you? People that have quit smoking use the term a lot also. It makes some smokers feel better/stronger than their peers that used a patch. With drinking I ended up a minute away from death due to alcohol poisoning so I didn't quit cold turkey but I quit, above that I was told without a doubt that I'd be dead,very dead if I were to take another drink which was all I took to get put into ICU. Shoot it may be entirely true, which is why it catches my ire every time I hear it, their are definitely a lot stronger than I, I couldn't do it myself but at least it got done. I'll take that if I can ever get cigarettes out of my life also.
ReplyDeleteWe all need help to escape from the self-made prisons which house our otherwise useful lives...Whatever name by which we recognize it, whether cold turkey, Jesus Christ, AA or family, the help should be accepted as being worth the price...
DeleteI'm still pondering and appreciating your wisdom as I descend deeper into the narrowing halls as an Alzheimer's caretaker...
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