A few thoughts on kinship...

A recent outing with one of my granddaughters prompted me to consider the different kinds of kinships, and how they can be graded in closeness...Blood relations are generally regarded as the closest for valid and obvious reasons...In most families the long periods of proximity with father, mother and children under one roof lends itself to dependency on one another for fulfillment of needs of many descriptions...

The end result in healthy families was usually a lifelong attachment to immediate family members who could be drawn together for support in times of personal upheaval...For the same reasons, family members were a desired element in times of joy, such as weddings, births and holiday gatherings...

The proliferation of divorce and subsequent remarriage in recent generations is a phenomenon which has resulted in an increase of non-bloodline relations as step-children and step-siblings began to grow to adulthood with non-related people blended into larger units for better, or for worse...In my own life I have experienced both, and have made certain observations...

I was born into, and grew to manhood in a family in which divorce was nearly unheard of on either side, the only instance being the divorce of a maternal uncle and aunt...My paternal grandmother died of an illness when my Dad was two years old, and he had no memory of her...His father, my Granddad, remarried at a later time to a lady I remember as being very nice...My Dad always thought of his two half-sisters as close relations...

My own relations with my parents and my brother were always strong...Even though we were sometimes at odds in our opinions, I always felt reciprocal love, respect and admiration for my Dad and my brother right up until their untimely deaths...Today I would give ten years off the end of my life for another ten minutes with either of them...

My brother's only children, my two nephews, know they have my support when and where needed, and I am proud to know our kinship is close...My Mom, who has been a rock of solid support my entire life, has my utmost love and can count on me in any situation in which I have a scrap of power...Those are relationships no hammer can chip...

In my own life, I married twice, twenty years apart, to women who would never have more children...In each case I accepted the children they already had as my own in the hopes they would regard me with the respect they gave their birth fathers...After the first divorce, it became clear over time that the step-children preferred to conduct their lives with minimum contact with me, although it was also clear they bore me no animosity...We have all respected that distancing since...

The second marriage began on good terms with the stepchildren as I attended the wedding of one, encouraged the wedding and suffered through the divorce of another, offered support through the divorce of yet another and was present at the birth of four grandchildren...I housed another child through college, and proudly attended the completion of graduate studies for another...

At one time or another, each of the step-children and their families were welcomed to live under my roof, occasionally in multiples...No remuneration was ever asked, offered or expected as it was family looking out for family...

After my second divorce certain changes and disclosures evinced...As always, in times of crisis true character comes to the forefront...Out of respect for relationships which must continue with or without me, I will only discuss the outcome of my relationship with one family branch...

At the time when my second marriage suddenly and surprisingly unraveled, my daughter-in-law together with my stepson, whom I saw joined in wedlock, made it known to me that I could count on their support through what they knew would be a harrowing ordeal for me...They also made it clear that although there was no bloodline to tie me to their three children, I would remain their Granddaddy because some kinships go beyond blood relations...

With the passage of years I note that I feel extra strength from those kinships that could just as easily have been tossed aside as I was...Although sometimes months will pass when there is no communication, I always feel welcome in that home, and I cherish the relationship I share with them...It is a true joy for me as I am privileged to witness the growth into adulthood of three fine grandchildren...

The resulting conclusion is that respect (or even lack of respect) can exist in any kinship regardless of distance or length of time, but loving care seems just a little sweeter and brighter when it is freely given between those from whom no obligation is expected...

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