The Store Detective...

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At one time large department stores employed security personnel who became known as store detectives or floorwalkers...The concept spread to other businesses in an effort to cut back on "crimes of opportunity," and these employees began to be known as "loss prevention specialists," more ear pleasing titles possibly given in lieu of a raise in salary...

All this is good as it gives less socially-inclined, but still employable personnel a position they are able to describe as "work" and thus avoid the lines at the unemployment office...Most take their jobs as what they really are, which is just placeholders in their résumés; others assign more importance to their rungs on the corporate ladder, and think they must justify their worth to their superiors...

This second group was brought to the attention of Truckman as he did his shopping in the same Sam's Warehouse Club as in the last 18 years...Other Walton family retail outlets, such as WalMart, use otherwise unemployable, yet friendly personnel as "greeters" while Sam's has two similar positions, one at the entrance and another stationed at the exit...

This commendable use of the lower levels of the labor force by the Walton chains is justified to the employees by assigning them to check membership cards on the way in, and cash register receipts on the way out...This is mostly "make work" as patrons may only make purchases by swiping their membership cards at checkout, and showing the receipt at exit is useless as none of the "checkers" ever compares items in the cart to what is listed on the receipt...

A perfunctory check of the Sam's Club Membership Terms and Conditions shows no mention of a requirement to show either card or receipt to anyone...However since I always retrieve my member card and credit card from my billfold when I walk in knowing I will need them anyway, I show the card to the greeter even though none of them have ever verified that it's my card...

I know most of them now after years of patronage, and sometimes make a joke of telling the greeter I found the card in the parking lot and will turn it in after doing my shopping, or I may suggest to the exit checker that it might be more efficient to weigh me in and then weigh me out to make sure I didn't shoplift anything...It always gets a good laugh, and I usually just give the receipt to the exit checker to discard for me allowing them to be seen by the boss doing something...

Sometimes when I'm pressed for time, and find a long line waiting to have their receipts checked for possible shoplifting activity, I'll just walk by them on my way out without being challenged by the familiar employees...Occasionally a newer employee will tell me they have to check my receipt, to which I say, "It's OK, I trust you" and keep walking...

Such was the case yesterday as I made my exit and strolled past the exit checker whom I had not seen previously...Obviously trying to justify her existence on the payroll, she caught up with me (leaving the other shoppers waiting) and said, "Sir, I have to check your receipt," to which I replied without stopping, "It's OK, I already checked it"...

She didn't follow me, but kept yelling at me to let her check it...I didn't turn around but a male voice joined her hollering, "Sir!...Sir!...Sir!"...As much as I appreciated being addressed as sir by such polite people, I just didn't have the time to chat, and kept walking...

Next time I visit Sam's, I may take the time to thank them for their courtesy...I may even wear my body camera to record the event...And if Sam's management would like to carry it further, and somehow make the error of accusing me of shoplifting, I would welcome the opportunity for the lawsuit...

My lawyer and I could both use the paycheck...

More articles concerning Crime and Punishment...

CraigsList Translator...

For those readers who are unaware, CraigsList not only has sections for buying and selling household and business items, but its personal ads are also used by some as an alternate source for social companionship...As a public service, Truckman, being a keen observer of human foibles and fallacies, has composed this handy guide for determining the difference between what they say and what they mean...

"I'm a real person" - I'm not a real person...

"I must be discreet" - I'm a worthless skank but if my wife/husband finds out I'm cheating she/he may leave me...

"I must be discrete" - I'm still a worthless skank but I'm too stupid to know the difference between "discrete" and "discreet". Will you have sex with me anyway?...

"You must be 100% DDDF" - I don't need any more disease or drama than I already have. Bring me some free drugs when we meet...

"Will trade pic for pic" - I'm a pic collector and you can expect to see any photos you send me on every porn site on the internet...

"I've never posted here before" - This is a new Yahoo address. All my old ones are on everyone's spam lists...

"I'm looking for a mutually beneficial arrangement" - I'm a hooker who is not honest enough to admit it...

"I need some help with my bills" - I'm a hooker who is not honest enough to admit it...

"I want a monthly allowance" - I'm a hooker who wants to be paid in advance...

"I'm thick, not fat" - I'm fat...

"I'm chubby, not fat" - I'm fat...

"I'm curvy, not fat" - I'm fat...

"I'm a BBW" - I'm fat...

"I'm a small BBW" - I'm too stupid to realize that's a contradiction in terms. Will you have sex with me anyway?...

"I'm told I look young for my age" - All this fat has stretched my wrinkles out...

"I've never done anything like this before" - Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, you have no idea how many times I've done this before...

"I'm not here to break up any relationships" - I don't care who gets hurt as long as I get laid...

"I get off on servicing older gentlemen" - I'll give you oral sex and take your money before you realize I'm not a woman...

"I just want to hang out" - I just want somebody to buy my dope, beer, cigarettes and burgers...

"I want a long, thick one" - I'm so loose you'll think you fell into a tub of warm liver...

"I have a long, thick one" - I measure from my anus out and wrap the tape measure twice around just to make sure...

"I'm a cougar" - I'm too old and ugly to get laid by men my own age. I need someone young and dumb...

"I want a cougar" - None of the girls my age will have sex with me... I'll settle for some old hag...

"I want a sugar daddy" - I want money...

"I want a sugar baby" - I've lived long enough to know that if I ever get laid again, I'll have to pay for it...

"I want to take it slow" - I want you to spend as much money on me as possible before you figure out I won't have sex with you...

"I'm looking for a partner in crime" - If the cops ask where I got this stuff, I'm telling them you gave it to me...

"I am a honest women" - I missed a lecture in English class at Scam Artist School...Will you give me your credit card number anyway?...

More articles concerning Other Thoughts...

Book Review...

A "tell all" book has now surfaced concerning the life and times of an extraordinary entrepreneur and bon vivant known personally to this reviewer...His remarkable life, though often doubted in some details by his detractors as at least partly imagination, is now chronicled in "Memoirs" by Daniel Warvelle Harbaugh...Editorial duties were credited to Truckman, who stands responsible for any misspellings and grammatical errors...

During my time spent proofreading I also had the opportunity to examine the mountain of documentary evidence offered as verification of the incredible life events of the author, who apparently has saved every scrap of paper and photograph associated with his nine-decade tenure on this planet...Those who doubted his exploits as a businessman, prospector for gold, military serviceman, flyer and even oiler aboard the doomed Edmund Fitzgerald now fall strangely silent...

The now semi-retired Mr. Harbaugh records his beginnings from birth through his education and brief lawless period into his beginnings as a businessman...His military service in WWII interrupted his climb through the branches of life's tree into various adventures as a pilot, surveyor, ski lodge operator and civilian employee of the US Army in Vietnam and the Mideast...His clandestine operations with unnamed intelligence agencies in South East Asia led to another period as a shipowner and salvage/import/export operator...

Mr. Harbaugh pulls no punches even to himself as he depicts his lean years as a desert wanderer and bawdy-house piano player...Self-described as "One of The Race Of Men That Don't Fit In," he continues to this day as a social commentator and humorist on the famous Cracker Barrel Discussion Forums, as well as a critic and advisor to Houston's City Council...

His careers also extended to brief stints in the motion picture industry, and he even found time for several dalliances with fashionable ladies, some of which led to marriage...The book is an easy and entertaining read lavishly illustrated with the author's own photos, drawings and documents collected over a remarkable lifetime...Adding a further career as a writer to his lengthy list of credits, Mr. Harbaugh's other published works can be found under his own name as well as his pseudonym...

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The gambling bug...

Since I am a universal addict (i.e. I can become addicted to anything if I don't recognize the symptoms and gain control), the one I probably saved the most money by quitting was gambling...In the military, I, like many other GI's, enjoyed card games in the barracks, and consequently played a lot...

My best game was double-deck pinochle, always for funsies...I never really caught on to poker, but Acey Deucey was a game I couldn't get enough of...There was seemingly always a game going in the barracks, and I was known to get roped into a few...

In those days we were paid once a month, and having just sewn on my sergeant's stripes, my paycheck that month was a whopping $340.00 including my separate rations...I had maxed out my monthly ration of cigarettes that day, but could get more during the month by borrowing a non-smoking buddy's ration card...

I had just finished a delivered-to-the-barracks pizza, and was on my way to town for some beer drinking, when I spotted an Acey Deucey game through an open barracks door...Naturally I thought I'd sit in for a few hands...For some reason, nobody could seem to get a winning hand, and the pot looked like it had a few hundred dollars in it...

Toward the end of one run of the deck I drew a king and a deuce...I knew I had seen all the aces and deuces dealt already...I was pretty sure I had seen all the kings and decided to bet the pot...I once again proved why I shouldn't be allowed to do my own thinking where large amounts of money are involved...I drew a king...

After adding up what was in the pot, I emptied my pockets and walked out of the room with three dollars left to last a month...I later learned another GI who could count better than I could won the pot with almost seven hundred in it...

I not only didn't get to town that night, I ate ketchup sandwiches for a month, and field-stripped discarded cigarette butts for pipe tobacco until the following payday...From that day forward, every time I saw a barracks card game, I'd walk in, throw a dollar in the pot and walk out...

I shudder to think what would have happened if I had ever tried drugs...

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Open carry...

In a few days it will be possible for Texans to carry their handguns openly in a secure holster, as long as they can present the proper licensing to carry concealed as well...As a licensed carrier for the past twenty years, I will continue to carry mine concealed, and easily produced when necessary...

While I support the right of other eligible Texans to brandish their firearms on their belts, I choose to keep mine under cover...I can reach mine just as quickly as they can, maybe even quicker because I'm not required to have a retention device on my holster...

When an armed assailant and I are both in the same enclosed area, and I learn of the other's intention, I don't purport that I will emerge alive and unscathed, but I'm pretty sure I've got 22 chances of doing so that I wouldn't have otherwise had, each chance weighing 230 grains...If you are there also carrying yours openly, you may become the first target as the assailant will seek to neutralize any threat to his (or her) success...

If that becomes the case, I will give you any covering fire I can from concealment as you draw attention with your openly carried gun...If you don't survive, I will also sadly attend your funeral services with bowed head...

More articles concerning Firearms and Shooting...

No Free Lunch...

The Truckman philosophy has always and consistently espoused the fact that nothing in life is free...It is a difficult idea to swallow for those accustomed to being on the government dole, or those waiting their turn to board the gravy train...Arguments range from, "It didn't cost me nuthin' " to "Let the next guy pay"...

The fact remains that somebody always pays, and that somebody is always you...Rioting looters brag of their newly stolen big-screen TV, while bemoaning the greedy cable company which is forced to raise their rates again because of the stolen equipment and illicit connections of the past which somehow had to be paid...

The popular ad slogan "Buy One, Get One Free" simply means that the profit level of the product is high enough to allow the seller to make this offer, and still maintain a healthy profit...Coupons and rebates on everything from grocery items to new cars reflect this same thinking...

Street vendors and open-air market booths may sell identical items to those in retail shops, but warranty service may get a little dicey, and those income and sales taxes that weren't paid by the seller wind up being tacked on to your bill anyway...And maybe your grandchildren's too...

The term "Free Lunch" stems from the time when saloons offered a tray of cold cuts to patrons who invested in a nickel beer...That nickel included a healthy profit for the saloonkeeper back then, even after paying his butcher's bill...Even "free love" isn't free, or there wouldn't be so many wealthy drug companies and divorce lawyers...

It's only a good deal if you were going to buy it anyway...

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Contradictions...

As counter-intuitive as it may sound, it has been noticed and now noted that in order to comment on a blog post, one must first click on the "No Comments" link under that post...Submitted comments do not appear immediately, as they are all reviewed by Truckman before publication...

If the comment is not obvious spam by someone too cheap to use regular advertising methods, and if it isn't excessively profane, it will be published...It is further noted that when one is too lazy to write the code to create a less complicated blog, one's readers are forced to endure such aberrations...

I guess I could always claim I planned it that way...After all, Bill Gates got away with having us push the "Start" button to turn our computers off...

More articles concerning Using This Blog...

Hidden Dangers...

Memory, being selective as it is, can present itself as a detriment as well as a benefit...The mere act of crossing a parking lot, and encountering the lingering presence of the aroma of a good cigar can release a flood of memories all fighting to make their way to the front of conscious thought...

The devil on the left shoulder tells us it's OK to recall the pleasurable moments spent relaxing in a cloud of exhaled, carefully aged Caribbean leaf combined with God's gift of oxygen released by the scientific combination of sulphur and phosphorous...

The angel on the right shoulder gently whispers of the inherent dangers to one's self and others when the fumes are drawn into the temple our souls call our bodies, where for every taken moment of relaxation, a hundred moments are removed from the already quickening approach of the inevitable end...

DOTL screams at you to ignore that wuss on the other shoulder, while AOTR reminds you of the deal you forged with your Lord those many decades ago...Cold shock slaps you in the face with the memory of that dreadful morning while driving to work, and enjoying your first A&C Grenadier of the day...

Sweat breaks through the coldness as you recall the gripping pain that suddenly clutched at your chest, and your first thought was the too recent death of your own brother from his first heart attack...Panic ensues at the flood of recalled scenes of the two of you enjoying camaraderie with each other and your cigars around a comforting campfire...

You remember your first reaction as you reached out to your Saviour to put off the inevitable reunion with the members of your family who have gone ahead of you...You are shocked at the recollection of your desperate bargain when you offered to give up your beloved cigars if your benevolent Lord would take away the pain, and allow your mortality a temporary reprieve...

As the remembrance of the cessation of pain becomes clear, you remind yourself that the deal has two facets, and can be withdrawn at any time if you renege on your end of the bargain...Being not quite ready to face the ultimate judgment, you deny that urge to go shopping at the conveniently located tobacco shop where you fear DOTL may be able to shout down AOTR...

Resistance is NOT futile!...Show your inner strength!!...Defy the odds!...

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Maturity...

Just as youth is said to be wasted on the young, maturity appears to have shown its wrinkled face far too late to be of any use to the old...In my own formative years I couldn't understand why anyone would save resources when everything could be enjoyed, or at least expended, now while it's still here...It was a mystery to me why people couldn't just take everyone at face value since we all have good intentions, and none of us would purposely deceive another...

Experience is a harsh teacher, and even experience must often repeat the lessons of life until, as we near the end of the road, the fog begins to dissipate before our cataract-encrusted eyes, and we finally realize there may have been better alternatives to our previous decisions...It's now obvious that maturity, along with its superior judgment capabilities, was a trade-off for the energy needed to live life to our own fullest intentions...

I really should have built that time machine back when the plans were clear in my head...

More articles concerning Other Thoughts...

Book Review...

For fifty years I've been studying military history, particularly WWII...It is possibly the most thoroughly documented conflict in history, thanks mostly to the German penchant for keeping detailed records, and their inability to destroy those records before defeat due to their sheer volume...I've mostly concentrated on battle campaigns and combat sequences, but lately, as I read more biographical information, I find myself more and more involved in the political aspects...

Men and hardware fight wars, but men (and women) and their egos and ideas cause them...My Mom (a lifetime Democrat) last year started talking about a book about her favorite President, Franklin Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor called "No Ordinary Time" by Doris Goodwin...I bought it for her last Christmas, and when she finished it she gave it to me...Seeing it mainly covers the WWII years, I decided to read it and was thoroughly surprised to find it held my interest cover to cover...

Politics are what make wars either inevitable or avoidable...I have a new respect for the juggling act that all leaders perform in getting a majority of the public, and thus their representatives in government, to agree on a common direction...I'm now convinced that the alternative leadership that might have helmed our ship of state could not have led the allied effort to victory with any greater degree of success...

I still think many of the bloated government programs which the overburdened American taxpayers are carrying on their shoulders stem from the FDR years, and should have been terminated or severely limited decades ago...But I now believe that without some of them in place at the time, the US would have been less prepared to counter a two-front attack by our enemies...

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