Sunday, December 13, 2015

CraigsList Translator...

For those readers who are unaware, CraigsList not only has sections for buying and selling household and business items, but its personal ads are also used by some as an alternate source for social companionship...As a public service, Truckman, being a keen observer of human foibles and fallacies, has composed this handy guide for determining the difference between what they say and what they mean...

"I'm a real person" - I'm not a real person...

"I must be discreet" - I'm a worthless skank but if my wife/husband finds out I'm cheating she/he may leave me...

"I must be discrete" - I'm still a worthless skank but I'm too stupid to know the difference between "discrete" and "discreet". Will you have sex with me anyway?...

"You must be 100% DDDF" - I don't need any more disease or drama than I already have. Bring me some free drugs when we meet...

"Will trade pic for pic" - I'm a pic collector and you can expect to see any photos you send me on every porn site on the internet...

"I've never posted here before" - This is a new Yahoo address. All my old ones are on everyone's spam lists...

"I'm looking for a mutually beneficial arrangement" - I'm a hooker who is not honest enough to admit it...

"I need some help with my bills" - I'm a hooker who is not honest enough to admit it...

"I want a monthly allowance" - I'm a hooker who wants to be paid in advance...

"I'm thick, not fat" - I'm fat...

"I'm chubby, not fat" - I'm fat...

"I'm curvy, not fat" - I'm fat...

"I'm a BBW" - I'm fat...

"I'm a small BBW" - I'm too stupid to realize that's a contradiction in terms. Will you have sex with me anyway?...

"I'm told I look young for my age" - All this fat has stretched my wrinkles out...

"I've never done anything like this before" - Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, you have no idea how many times I've done this before...

"I'm not here to break up any relationships" - I don't care who gets hurt as long as I get laid...

"I get off on servicing older gentlemen" - I'll give you oral sex and take your money before you realize I'm not a woman...

"I just want to hang out" - I just want somebody to buy my dope, beer, cigarettes and burgers...

"I want a long, thick one" - I'm so loose you'll think you fell into a tub of warm liver...

"I have a long, thick one" - I measure from my anus out and wrap the tape measure twice around just to make sure...

"I'm a cougar" - I'm too old and ugly to get laid by men my own age. I need someone young and dumb...

"I want a cougar" - None of the girls my age will have sex with me... I'll settle for some old hag...

"I want a sugar daddy" - I want money...

"I want a sugar baby" - I've lived long enough to know that if I ever get laid again, I'll have to pay for it...

"I want to take it slow" - I want you to spend as much money on me as possible before you figure out I won't have sex with you...


"I'm looking for a partner in crime" - If the cops ask where I got this stuff, I'm telling them you gave it to me...

"I am a honest women" - I missed a lecture in English class at Scam Artist School...Will you give me your credit card number anyway?...


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